Reliability

Today I read something interesting.

"Reliability is one of the hardest character traits to identify by testing or "screening" or anything except personal acquaintance.
Some people are "rocks" by nature or training, while others are papier-mâché painted to resemble rocks, who crumble when sudden pressure is applied by circumstances."

I realized that I was being like papier-mâché to many things. That is why I can't face myself. I have been papier-mâché to my RE group, papier-mâché to Victor, papier-mâché to my family. I feel very ashamed of myself and I don't know what to do. Worse of all I've been papier-mâché to God. Well, only He knows my condition. My heart is really in a bad state. Even I can't really see who I really am because I guess man is self-deceptive at heart. I hope God will shed some light and make me change for the better.