Feelings

Today a friend told me about someone who passed on. Someone who was backstabbed, trodden upon, and betrayed by his friends. Someone who had to give up his only close friend sdue to constant teasing. Yet he does his best to give his best for the best of his class. This friend has decided to do justice for that special someone, for when he is gone, only his name leaves on. I find that both of them are noble in their actions and deeds.

I felt akwardly strange, I didn't seem to feel anything. I guess I was supposed to feel a bit of sorrow, a bit of pain, a bit of loss, but nothing seems to come to heart. I felt like I was in a land of dried cracked ground where the sky is constantly filled with black angry clouds refusing to rain. My heart needs some emotions to feel.

They say that emotions are energy. These few days has been witnessing to my lack of energy, and I believe that's because I'm numbed to most emotions. I feel distraught because I don't feel what my friends feel, and I cry not because of the lost of that someone, but I cried (without a tear, for only seconds at most) because I felt nothing for that someone whom I was supposed to feel for. Now I wish someone would give me back all of my feelings, anger, sorrow, fear, shame, and gladness.

I wished I found the key to open the chest in my heart so I can feel myself again.

Time to wake up

Things I need to change:
Laziness
Lust
Addiction to computer games
Lack of commitment
Empty promises
Swearing
Taking people and things for granted

Things I'm happy about:
The people who can stand being around me
The people who talk to me
All the things that I currently have
Physical security
Parents

Things I'm happy about myself:
I'm alive.
I don't know what else.